I (cis het male, 30YO) just joined a new company a month ago, and my partner has asked that I ask my coworkers use preferred pronouns when talking about them. I've not even done this with my closest friends - not sure how to proceed. What do I say? To who? How? The company: This global company of tens of thousands is in a conservative town and has an older population. However, the company has LGBT-nondiscrimination policies in place, and funds gender reassignment surgery through their health benefits plan. I believe one person on my team is gay, but of course I've not approached them about it. I've got about 12 people on my team total.
My partner: I've known they were trans* and genderqueer since well before we were married. It's been slow and challenging for me to understand, but I totally support and respect them and want to help them have the life they want to have. But we never really talk about what that means for me - and I'm afraid to, because I feel like they are the one who is facing this challenge, and I'm here to support them. And, like I said, it's been a challenge for me and I am afraid of saying the wrong thing or not agreeing/accepting correctly.
But, this is a clear request and I see no reason to not follow it as best I can.
I'm not really sure how to proceed or what it means for me, so I'm hoping for some advice.
1) What do I even say? How does one announce such a thing to the team? I barely know them at all, and I'm afraid that if I went around to everyone 1-on-1 and said "By the way, my partner is trans so please don't talk about my 'wife' or use female pronouns" I would set a really strange first impression - instead of "Here's a guy who works hard" it would be "Here's a guy who's forcing his sex life into the office."
2) I have no idea what the responses will be, and I am afraid of what questions they might have. Specifically, I'm afraid that it would start some sort of conversation about my own sexual orientation which was straight, but obviously that isn't the case any more... i think.
3) I'm worried about what it means to correct people about this - how often? Should I correct VPs, or just my close team? And, what if in six months, they request male pronouns instead - I don't want to turn this into "a thing".
At this time, I do not have any close-enough colleagues I trust to have a private conversation about this.
My partner: I've known they were trans* and genderqueer since well before we were married. It's been slow and challenging for me to understand, but I totally support and respect them and want to help them have the life they want to have. But we never really talk about what that means for me - and I'm afraid to, because I feel like they are the one who is facing this challenge, and I'm here to support them. And, like I said, it's been a challenge for me and I am afraid of saying the wrong thing or not agreeing/accepting correctly.
But, this is a clear request and I see no reason to not follow it as best I can.
I'm not really sure how to proceed or what it means for me, so I'm hoping for some advice.
1) What do I even say? How does one announce such a thing to the team? I barely know them at all, and I'm afraid that if I went around to everyone 1-on-1 and said "By the way, my partner is trans so please don't talk about my 'wife' or use female pronouns" I would set a really strange first impression - instead of "Here's a guy who works hard" it would be "Here's a guy who's forcing his sex life into the office."
2) I have no idea what the responses will be, and I am afraid of what questions they might have. Specifically, I'm afraid that it would start some sort of conversation about my own sexual orientation which was straight, but obviously that isn't the case any more... i think.
3) I'm worried about what it means to correct people about this - how often? Should I correct VPs, or just my close team? And, what if in six months, they request male pronouns instead - I don't want to turn this into "a thing".
At this time, I do not have any close-enough colleagues I trust to have a private conversation about this.
